Disclaimer: All of the poems on this website have been written by me. Photos have been edited by me as well.
Angel In Heaven
late nights and early mornings
the birds sing our song while the blooming flowers decide if i will still have those thorns; once the sunset strikes i know there’s another battle that needs to be fought
outside there’s a heavy storm
the thunder keeps telling me that it will never be okay, and now all that’s left for me it’s to simply obey
i’m tired of this game and i don’t want to play
it’s not like i have a say nor i can’t have it my way
decisions were made before i could even pretend it was okay
not a day goes by where i don’t think about the empty shallows in your eyes
the way you told me to stay calm because you will always make it alright
you still do
i know i can’t talk to you but i just want you to know that i miss you
if only you knew
the pain that boils up in my bones whenever i remember that you’re gone; i wish i could wake up and realize that it isn’t true
i wish i could be there with you too
my beautiful angel in heaven; if only you knew
if you were still here my world wouldn’t be collapsing
my willing to live would still be standing
there’s nothing left for me to say, but if i had one last wish
i would beg god to let you stay
Meaning behind the poem: I have been mourning the loss of my grandmother ever since 2012. That has been the most painful experience I have ever had to go through. Not a day goes by where i don’t think about her. How different life would’ve been if she was still here. I can’t erase all of the pain and the trauma from my childhood, but knowing that she was there to ease the pain and remind me how strong of a girl I was becoming was one of the most comforting things for me every time I was struggling. I sometimes just wish she could still be here with me, or me up there with her.
the nightmares have been slowly easing
instead, now i’m having dreams that are completely pleasing
a lot of speaking mixed with divine teasing
it never occurred to me that someone who doesn’t even think about me would be in my dreams preventing me from continuing with all of my normal routines
i wish you knew how many mornings i wake up wishing you would’ve stayed
who am i kidding?
your memory used to quickly fade
but now i’m back to daydreaming
i started streaming that one song that reminds me of you
even if you don’t know it i will always dedicate it to you
Meaning behind the poem: This is another personal one for me. Ever since I was 14 I fell in love with this person to whom I never expressed my feelings for them. I’m in my twenties now and suddenly it feels like things haven’t changed. For some unknown reason, said person appears in my dreams constantly – almost religiously devoted to continuing haunting the depths of my subconscious. This is not me whining about those events, but instead, it’s me acknowledging that deep in my mind, those feelings I once had I have never left them behind. Suddenly I’m 14 again.
my depression wants me to give up
but my anxiety is too afraid to leave this pup
in a world full of chaos she’s the only thing that’s keeping me alive
maybe it’s just a matter of time
but i swear to god i won’t commit that crime
who would look at me when their eyes shine
when the world seems like it’s fine
who will ever remind me to never cross that line?
a bottle of wine right now would be nice
no one would take care of you the way i’ve done it
even if you’re still a pup i know that you would not be enjoying this stage if you were forced to live a life without endless love
i know that life is tough
but hold on sweet darling
mommy will catch you when you’re falling
i made the decision to stay
not because i want to
but because i need to
not for me
but for the little black eyes that look at me every morning asking for love and attention without priving me with my current unstable situation
she still loves me anyway
no matter how hard life is; i’m the only person she can count on to stay
Meaning behind this poem: I think this one is self-explanatory? But for those of you who would like a deeper inside of what inspired this poem; here it is. I adopted a puppy a couple of months ago when she was three months old – she’s almost seven months right now as to July 2020 – I took that decision of saving a life from whatever her unknown future might’ve hold. I adopted her from a shelter and realizing how terrified she was of people – of someone showing her that she could be loved, she could have a family, a stable place where she could associate with her home – I made myself a promise that I was going to give my everything to make this little girl as happy as a puppy can be. I treat her as if she was my own child – you can ask my friends, for them she’s my daughter -. She has saved me so many times and even though she sometimes gives me small headaches, I would still choose her over everything and everyone.
A little back story that happened a couple of weeks ago: I live in a tropical island that’s located among some of the biggest tectonic plates. Therefore, we have constant earthquakes, but this year has been the worst. A couple of weeks ago we had a 5.2 one and instead of grabbing my emergency backpack, cellphone, and my medications, I grabbed her. She was the only important thing that I needed. I needed her safe. Luckily, no damages where done.
She has helped me during some depression and panic attack episodes and for that, I could not be more grateful.
Quick note: Normally I write my poetry from the unknown, sometimes from personal experiences, while other times I’m just an outsider trying to sneak in. Though, I do have to say that most of my poetry comes from a really personal field, I still try to disguise it a little so I can feel comfortable being vulnerable, but not too exposed to feel invaded. I hope you liked these short poems and their backstories!