by Stephanie | 3:35 am

Never Good Enough – Poetry 

Quick disclaimer: All poetry, that you will hopefully read ahead, was completely written by me. Images were also created by me. All rights reserved. 

Past, Present And The Future

poetry

on that day my soul grew lonely

i crave the introverted, isolated imprint of a stranger

the incommunicative insomnia imprinting on my soul

in there, stepped a desolate ‘nervous breakdown’

to warn me about the grief that i didn’t know of, but i was too sore to focus on

and the weight never faded

it became somewhat louder than the belief that never existed

I heard an untrusting, depressant aching in my gut

guilt – guilt – guilt

my mind always strays to feelings

i crave the suicidal, searing shame

it’s been too long, i don’t even remember my own name

sitting down on the dusty carpet, thinking of missed opportunities and failed sympathies from the people that i used to blame

remembering many tired, sole emotions

my joy, i could not awaken

i threw my trust upon the floor

it was fore, taken, offshore

i crave the unbelievable, unfrequented unworthiness, the feeling of not existing

stop it; i’m tired of all the insisting

death shall bring affections

death shall bring memories

that instinct childhood – that instinct childhood

there are no memories, no good times, no laughter, nor happy times

deep into that darkness angering

back into my memories criticizing

over and over

it never ceases and it’s always describing

words that i never said and the ones that should not have been spoken

i have dreamed of the reflections, the ones still staying in my head

it threw its ghost against the conditions of an unhappy soul that was only living for everyone else, but at the same time, not caring what her frustrated inner child was craving in her mind

parents – parents – parents

by the grave I saw the realities

they weren’t pretty and i’m not lying

no matter how much people live, they’re always dying when it comes to me

i hope someday i get to live

the life i desired from underneath my feet

Unknown

poetry

unknown girl and her undercover past

she and her circumstances never got along

it’s not like she’s asking for it. It’s just that everything goes wrong

she wasn’t that strong

captivated by misery and heartaches she still wanted a soul

not someone who could make her feel whole

there’s no one that could fill that void inside of her

she just wanted to be understood

she just wanted to feel good

she was tired of all of the insanity in her life

she just craves stability and the sake of a stable mind

maybe a little bit of visibility

not too much though, she was uncomfortably struggling with attention

by far, all she ever wanted to be was someone with good intentions, but instead, she ended up being the liability that connected all the dots of how her life stayed unknown for so long

she still carries that, but she’s tired of trying and ending up putting herself in a overfueling of darkness that she didn’t knew it was in her

she passes across the mirror ignoring her shadow; the one that keeps following her every step she takes, instead she stares out the window and manages to make a blueprint of a not existing map that would only lead her to one place

the place she’s been wanting to jump into, but her wings were too damaged to even try

therefore, flying wasn’t on her mind

she stayed, hoping and aching for the unknown because that was the only place she could call “home”

Survival Mode

Poetry

people are people and sometimes we’re incredibly messed up, we end up changing our minds because we don’t want to let anyone left behind in an unstable spot

but letting someone go without having a proper goodbye sounds like the kind of hell that awaits me, but i know my ignorance will blind me

i’ll become reckless like nothing ever bothered me

like no one knew i had it in me

i don’t like saying hello because i know that eventually it will turn into a goodbye

maybe an unspoken goodbye, but it will surely be carved in the back of my mind like the echo of the last words i heard before the silence tore us apart

all the will to keep moving forward, that’s what kept me building walls for my dark passengers to become art

in times like this, is when i remember how it felt when i forgot how to live

i was just forcing myself to keep

a life that wasn’t mine but i was still allowed to survive

now i know; that didn’t make me weak

it was my survival mode that allowed me to speak

Expressing Yourself

It’s not always easy to find inspiration to get your motors fueling. In fact, that moment may take days, weeks, months or even years.

It’s never too late to start something that you love. It doesn’t necessary needs to be poetry; you can just get yourself a journal and see where the pencil takes you. Believe me, you’d be surprised. Never underestimate the power you have to do anything and everything you enjoy.

All of this poetry was written and it’s owned by yours truly – Stephanie
I would love to hear from you in the comment section down below. Did you like my work? Do you think it needs improvement? I would really appreciate your feedback!

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Comments

Rolex4real

Hello Stephanie, reading through this article was as if I was going through my biography as you’ve indirectly addressed some certain issues that has been a constrain for me especially the fact that I underestimate myself a lot.

Thanks for sharing this with me, I look forward to seeing more of your articles.

May 03.2020 | 06:18 pm

    Stephanie

    Thank you!

    May 04.2020 | 08:17 pm

Tamara

Stephanie,

I have read through most of your website today; Your poetry is good and I needed to know more about you. You’ve offered some sound advice–I appreciate your disclaimer that you are not a health professional and that people with certain symptoms should speak to medical and mental health care professionals. 

As a mom to a 25-year-old daughter with severe social anxiety and PTSD and newly diagnosed diabetes, I know all too well the depressed and dark writings, the panic attacks, the inability to get out of bed, the exhaustion of talking with someone online/phone, the fear of memories, the disgust of self, and the frequent suicide ideation. 

I am SO sorry that you suffer with these issues and sincerely hope you are getting professional help. Writing poetry is an excellent way to deal with depression. You’ve suggested several other ways to overcome negative feelings and emotions. Your personal experiences add credibility to your words. And I look forward to reading more of your poems!

I wish you the very best of luck in dealing and coping with the second to second and day to day pain. Although I don’t know you, I can see you are beautiful (photos), talented (poetry and writing skills), and have tremendous strength (willingness to share yourself to help others). 

Keep up the work and stay strong and healthy and safe—

Thanks,

Tamara

May 03.2020 | 06:50 pm

    Stephanie

    This has been one of the most touching feedback I have ever received. Thank you for taking the time to go through my work. I really appreciate your concern, your words and your strength for also dealing with some of these scenarios. I wish you and your daughter all the best! 

    You’re doing an amazing job as a mom. Take care!

    May 04.2020 | 08:23 pm

Leona

Wow, what heart wrenching words! It seemed as if I was reading your personal journal, only online. Sometimes the words would flow, and I would fly through the poetry. Other times, I found it difficult, I must admit, to read “the next line”, for it seemed like I was a part of your anguish. The feeling of “never being good enough” is a struggle for me when it comes to a new thing, especially relative to technology. And you put into words some of what I have felt from time to time. You have a beautiful way of expressing feelings. Well done.

May 03.2020 | 06:51 pm

    Stephanie

    Thank you so much! It means a lot to hear about your own struggles with life. Keep pushing forwards and hanging on in there, my friend. You got this!

    May 04.2020 | 08:25 pm

Rika

Hi Stephanie,

Wow. What amazingly sad poems that really touched my soul. It reminded me of my youth and all the challenges I faced. I’m luckily much older now and can only look back with a big victorious smile. After reading your poems I immediately searched for one of my favorite old-time songs and listened to it with joy in my heart.

Do you know the song “If I could fly away” by Frank Duval?

I’ve read your about me page and want to applaud you for creating this wonderful website in an effort to help so many others that may be in the same boat as you.

Thanks for sharing your talent and keep up the good work. I wish you all the best during this pandemic and please stay safe.

May 03.2020 | 06:52 pm

    Stephanie

    Thank you for your kind words! 

    I have not heard that song but I do look forwards to do so. Thank you for your suggestion and your interest. Stay safe and take care!

    May 04.2020 | 08:28 pm

edahnewton1

Hey nice article you have there. Your lines and choice of words are quite awesome, The poetry unknown really stroke my heart. The message passed is understood, what I can deduced from it is that Following someone that does not recognize your existence or your feeling’s really hurts, it even tends to hurt more knowing that she is loving another.

May 04.2020 | 12:11 am

Mina Kim

Your poems are truly reflecting yourself. It’s sad that you are suffering inside which a part of me wishes that it is not you–  I want to think that you’re just inspired by someone and not because IT IS YOU.

One thing that kind of a relief for me is, at least, you find your way of dealing with these anxieties through poems, let’s be real, others use alcohol, sometimes substances or sometimes even sucide to deal with their issues.

Although that poems help you to cope with these emotions, I just hope you seek for other means of help. Don’t face it alone. 

Stay safe.

May 27.2020 | 05:50 am

    Stephanie

    Some of them are inspired by different circumstances, but most of them are from personal experiences. It’s how I cope with trauma. Thank you so much for taking the time to read them and for your words. It means a lot! 

    Stay safe as well! 

    May 29.2020 | 04:19 pm

Matiss

I liked it. I liked it a lot. It made me think. And it made me contemplate some of the past events I’ve gone through, as well as some of the things I’m going through right now.

To that end, Unknown truly spoke to me. Personally, I have struggled with this notion that I’m not strong enough (which, by the way, is inherently captivated by misery). Not strong enough to do the hard things that I have to do to make my life work, to make it the way I want it to be. Constant fight with the insanity, cravings for stability, over-fueling darkness, the aching of the unknown. Yeah. I feel you. Or rather should I say – you feel me.

May 27.2020 | 06:44 pm

    Stephanie

    A great sense of perspective you have my friend! I hope you’re coping alright with life and everything that you’re dealing with. 

    May 29.2020 | 04:21 pm

Paolo

Hi Stephanie,

Your poetry has really inspired me. Thanks for sharing it with us. I have always wanted to write and now is the time to give it a shop. I have followed one of your links and checked some journals you recommend. I really liked the Q&A a Day: 5-Year Journal. Thanks for the inspiration.

Jun 28.2020 | 03:32 am

    Stephanie

    Thank you for stopping by and taking the time to read my work! Journals are an amazing way to start creating whatever it is that you want, even if it’s not poetry, 

    Jun 30.2020 | 06:10 am

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