Cutting People Off
Having such a forgiving heart can sometimes make your life really hard to manage, especially when you’re cutting people off.
I know it’s not as easy as it sounds and it can sometimes be almost impossible because that person can be a close friend, your partner, or even a family member. The truth is that only you know your limits. You have every right to establish your own boundaries.
Why Should You Cut People Off?
The possible answers for this question are endless. There are so many things that people do that make you feel bad, or uncomfortable. Sometimes they know it and other times they think they’re just messing around and you’re alright with it. It definitely starts getting harder when you’re trying to talk it out with that person and they either don’t care, think you’re exaggerating, or that you’re joking.
These can be some of the reasons for cutting people off:
- They don’t respect your boundaries – Having boundaries nowadays is one of the most important things that we should consider. We don’t like people taking advantage of us, so setting boundaries on your own terms is extremely crucial. Whoever doesn’t respect that, nor your space is not worthy of the time you’re giving them. Boundaries should never be something that people follow only if they want to. It should be mandatory to respect everyone else’s space.
- Toxic family members or friends – Just because you’re blood-related doesn’t give anyone the right to manipulate, disrespect, make choices for you, compare you to other people, talk negatively about your person, or invade your privacy. As you’re growing up, you have always been told that you have to respect your family members because they’re your “family”. I say to hell with that. Anyone who makes you feel anxious or uncomfortable should not be part of your life. The same goes for friendships. Sometimes we hold on to a person because we’ve grown too close with them. At first, we don’t care if they make fun of us, even if it is just in a “funny” way, because they’re you’re friends and they’re not intentionally hurting you. Once those words start climbing their path towards your brain, that is a whole different story. No one is allowed to treat you badly and later act as if nothing happened.
Photo by Madalitte - Politics – Yes, you are allowed to cut anyone off if their political views are significantly different from yours. I know it can be a little controversial to cut people off just for having a different opinion towards politics, but one thing I’ve learned throughout the years, is that a person’s political views are a reflection of who they are and their morals as human beings. Someone who’s part of a political party that is against human rights has to get out of my life immediately. I will forever stand by human rights and freedom for us all. Living in such a capitalist world is one of the most draining and devastating things that the people with money and power has forced us to do.
- Feminism – One of my absolute favorite topics. A lot of people, including people that we know, think that feminism equals “hating men” but no, that is in no way the case. Feminism is about equality for everyone. Feminism is about respecting each other, not only telling your daughters how to stay safe, but also tell your sons the meaning of what consent is. Feminist craves equality. Women crave freedom, and not being objectify for their bodies, but instead being appreciated for our brains and our brilliant ideas. Anyone who doesn’t agree to all of this will be declined of a free entry to my personal life.
- Religion – One of the topics, besides politics, that people mostly debate about. Growing up, I grew up in a Protestant church, went to a Christian school and surrounded myself with overly-religious family members. As I grew up, I started to notice the double standards religion has towards other human beings. How religious people would have the uncle who raped their daughter, sit at the Christmas dinner table, but will close the doors to the gay cousin. Those are things that I, in no way, can tolerate, much less allow people with this line of thoughts enter my safe space. I respect religion, don’t get me wrong. I believe in God. I just can’t stand the beliefs some people have towards other humans. As you can tell, I’m all about human rights.
There are so many things from which you can decide on what terms you want to be cutting people off from. It’s not something you do overnight. It takes time and getting in touch with your inner self, and your beliefs to actually decide that you don’t want a certain negative aspect run throughout your life.
You Don’t Owe Anyone Anything
Having to deal with anxiety, rejection and depression, only taught me that you’re allowed to do and feel however you want to. There are no social standards that you need to follow. Just simply be you, as long as you’re respecting someone else’s opinion who doesn’t go against human rights, you’re good to go.
Cutting people off becomes such a struggle in our minds because we don’t want to lose certain people just because we don’t tolerate, nor agree with certain things that they do or support. You’re not being selfish. You’re being reasonable and standing up for what you believe is right. Values, morals and equality alongside with human rights, are the only things that should be carried on through each generation. I’m tired of people making excuses for their actions or beliefs. If you support something that’s against human rights, you’re not a good person, not even a person at all.
Learning to accept that we all have our different opinions and our different concepts of what life should be, is a little hard, but as long as you know what’s right and what’s not, you’re ready to live the life that you want without having any toxic people in your surroundings.
Totally agree with what you’re saying. We have to protect ourselves and our families from all kinds of toxicity. I’ve definitely had to cut off relationships with friends and even family due to major philosophical differences in the definition of right and wrong. I know some people say, “can’t we all just get along?” but no, I won’t expose my kids to racism, bigotry or misogyny.
Thanks for the candid article.
Thank you for taking the time to read. I’m so glad to see that you’re standing up for your beliefs. You’re doing amazing!
Thank you for sharing this very important article about cutting people off and it takes time .l like your statement about toxic family members,Toxic family members or friends – Just because you’re blood-related doesn’t give anyone the right to manipulate, disrespect. At times when you are too soft people will take advantage of you and your emotions that is me a softy in my family. I was carrying this burden with me for many years being taken advantage of by my family members and manipulated for them to get what they want example finances and they will disrespect me. I wake up one day l told myself enough is enough l started cutting them one by one it was not easy in the beginning but time went by everyone got used to staying within their limits and we are all happy in our space. Also like what you said about trusting a stranger than a friend. Great article !
Wishing you all the best!
You’re doing the right thing. Never feel bad for it!
You bring up some great points and really good reasons to cut somebody out of your life. I think it is worse when it is family, and even worse when you get on with one of them but not their spouse.
I tend to put up with people, but if I don’t agree with everything they do, I keep my distance and only mix with them when there are lots of others around. I must learn to put my foot down and tell somebody why I don’t want to associate with them anymore and if they are not willing to bend, cut ties.
I am glad I was able to read this article. I have had quite a few friends throughout my childhood and into my adult life, however, I have always found myself cutting them off at some point. At some point they just stopped flowing with my life and they slowly faded away.
I am happy to read this since you say cutting people off is a good thing. Not everyone is meant to be in our lives forever but we should treasure the ones who are. “You don’t own anyone anything.” I like that quote. I have my priorities and if someone is able to make it on that list, they have done quite a bit of good in my life. Cut out the bad and thrive on the good!
I could not agree with you more!
hello, it is a great and nice feeling to know that someone will create a great website like this and also create a write up on an article like this. cutting someone off becomes harder when you share a special bond with the person and most times they are the ones who hurt you the most.
That’s sadly something that happens more often than what people may think
It’s funny how we are programmed to accept certain things, we are thought that we choose our friends but we can’t choose our family. This causes so many people to stay in environments that are toxic and harmful. Very few are able to escape this mental programming and realize family or not we don’t have to accept anything or anyone that is toxic to us.
I can only hope that people can understand this. Family or not, you’re your own person. There is not necessity to keep someone who doesn’t do you good.
I can relate to this post. You were right when you said it’s tough to cut people off if you have a soft heart. A few years ago I felt really guilty cutting off a friend but I felt I had no choice because this person was a walking time bomb. And it happened again recently with someone else and this time, I had to distance myself from this person because he had a consistently negative outlook on just about everything and it was weighing me down. It’s tough but it had to be done.
Thanks for writing this great post
Sunny
So sorry to hear about that. I really hope you’re coping and managing!
I can understand where you are coming from with this and I respect the choices people make in dealing with things of this nature. I personally do not cut people off but rather just let them be and not put myself in their direct line of fire. Sort of like killing them with kindness. Either they ease up and come around or they are the one’s who do the cutting off.
Society in general makes it hard for people by putting labels on them, even the words that used to mean one thing now mean something else. What ever happened to common sense, morals and love each other as you would want to be loved. The problem is everyone seems to be more focused on themselves and not on anyone else. It’s all about ME.
No it’s not. It is about WE. We all live in this world together but things are moving away from equality instead of drawing near. What I am about to say may sound strange and even controversial to someone who grew up in a religious household. I’m a Born Again Christian but I absolutely do not follow any kind of religion. True Christianity is not a religion.
God never wanted us to follow a religion. Jesus came to save God’s children from sin and religion, which has many sinful tendencies. Jesus hated religion, called religious men fools and did many things to mock their stupid religious laws. Religion is a man-made invention and Christianity is simply living in the love of others as Jesus did which unites people.
If society would just embrace this simple concept of love thy neighbor AND enemy as you love yourself, give up religion or at least not be so hypocritical in the teachings, stop choosing sides like in politics, and respect the space and equality of others, this world would be a much better place to live and grow older together without having to cut people off.
Thank you so much for sharing this!
Society has turned their backs when it regards basic human rights, and instead, they use that against other people while trying to defend their opinion with religion. I grew up in an Christian household and I’m not religious myself. I do believe in God, but I also believe in human rights and equality. Something that neither society nor religion can comprehend.
While reading I know that Cutting people off becomes such a struggle in our minds because we don’t want to lose certain people just because we don’t tolerate, nor agree with certain things that they do or support. We’re not being selfish. We’re being reasonable and standing up for what we believe is right. l like your statement about toxic family members,Toxic family members or friends