A New Year…Of What?

A new year…of what?

At this point, I’m guessing I’m just way too over this life. I have been for the last few years, so any type of holiday seems like a huge amount of wasted time for me. I can’t be the only one who’s currently feeling like that, or that has felt like that at all.

The holidays are not for everyone, and that is completely okay.

New Year…New Me

How many times have we heard that phrase before? Every time I log in on Facebook, half of my timeline there, has that phrase placed everywhere. I never understood the meaning of it.

Maybe I overthink too much, or maybe my rational thinking just doesn’t make sense at times, but I don’t see the overstatement everyone gives the New Year, as if it was something magical, something to remember for the rest of their lives. Just like in Christmas, people will spend a ridiculous amount of money on clothes, shoes, makeup and accessories, just to spend the whole entire night in their living room waiting for the clock to hit midnight. We humans sure know how to make the most out of the simplest things.

I mean, don’t get me wrong, I know there are people out there that feel like this moment is something to be proud of, an accomplishment for others, and everything for those who get to see family members they haven’t seen in a while. After that, they eat some rice soup – at least that’s what they do where I’m from – they stay up late either playing domino’s or they spent days afterwards with the whole pyrotechnic obsession. Which by the way, I do think there should be a certain law that prevents people from using such things around people with PTSD, anxiety and animals. I know there are some places that have those laws. Sadly, mine isn’t one of them, and every time this type of season comes around, I need to make sure that my dogs are safe…and also, myself. I struggle with a few anxiety disorders, and believe me when I say I don’t like this time of year.

A New Year Of What?

I swear, I ask the same question over and over again each year. My head just can’t wrap the idea that people are so excited to see a new year coming.

For me, it’s just another normal day. Nothing changes except the numbers on the calendar. Of course, we’re ending a decade but what happens next?

People make unrealistic goals for what they want to achieve in the upcoming year, but I mean, you could’ve done all that this year; what stopped you? I don’t think a new number that’s been added to the calendar is going to magically change your life, and make you do all the things that you actually were supposed to do this year…and the year before, but for some reason, this is the year that will change it all. I mean, that’s what some people say.

As December 31 goes along and we enter January 1, I still have the same health issues, the same problems, same money issues, same stress levels…same everything. I just need someone to tell me why is that time of year so special. Someone…just try to change my mind, if that even is possible.

Traditions

As I mentioned before, people love to spent hundreds of dollars just to sit on their living room, with their phones in hand while waiting for the clock to strike 12:00 AM. After that, it’s just a mess of people hugging each other – another reason why I don’t like this so-called holiday. I have social anxiety, so hugging and spending an immensely amount of time with other people, that’s just not me – I would rather stay at home alone than be around this type of awkwardness.

As I was growing up,  I didn’t really have a choice whether I wanted to go or if I wanted to stay. I was just forced to put some pretty clothes on and go. I remember my social anxiety always left me on the corner of a table, with my phone in hand, and just praying to god that no one would come close to me.

Just as Christmas, days like this are basically an excuse for family members to dig deeper into what’s happening in your life. Not because they care, but because they love the gossip behind your suffering. Well, I mean not suffering, but they do love hearing about the mess that your life has been over the past few months, and what happens after you spill them all the details? They go out and tell everyone…when I say everyone, I mean absolutely everyone. I remember once I was going through a rough situation that only one of my family members knew, and guess what? I went to the pharmacy to get my prescription medication and the pharmacist asked me how that certain situation was going.

That made me feel so angry. Throughout the years I’ve learned not to give out more information than what is needed. That has saved me a lot of anxiety and headaches.

New Traditions

Ever since I started my own life far from where my family is, I started having new traditions to add to my new living situation.

My secret? Not having any traditions at all.

As I said before, a new year of what? We are going to be dealing with the same problems, same health issues, same family drama, same money problems, same environmental crisis, same government ripping us up with low pay rates and little to no insurance…nothing really changes. You’re just doing the same thing over and over, for another year.

The only tradition I’ve had for the last four years, is to sit by myself in my room, plug in my earphones and watch my all time favorite show. That’s it. That’s the only constant in my life, while saying goodbye to yet, another year. That has actually been a tradition I’ve enjoyed for so long. Nothing makes me happier than seeing my favorite characters on screen and jumping into a new year with them. That probably doesn’t make sense, right? It doesn’t have to make sense to you, but for me, it means the absolute world.

Why Did I Write This

I am in no way saying that going into a new year it’s not going to bring you anything great, because we never know what the future holds for us. But I do believe that some people make so much out of the new year to actually see the results they want.

It gets too much, to the point that their expectations may not be what they were looking for, therefore, they end up being disappointed.

I always tell myself “don’t think of it as just a new year, but instead as an opportunity to keep healing and fighting for what you want; talking about mental health”

Make the year however you please and want it to be. Don’t depend on other people’s opinions on what you should do, or  what you shouldn’t do, because I’ve also seen some people telling others things like “oh maybe you need to lose some weight” so their New Years resolution is to be skinny. That’s not realistic. Do things because you want them to, not because someone else wants you to do them.

The more I think about it, the more I keep asking myself “a new year of what?”. At this point, I’m just looking forward to staying alive and surviving life.

How about you, what are you personally looking forward to? Is this just another year for you as well? I would love to hear from you in the comment section down below.