by Stephanie Ramos | 9:01 pm

AnxietyAre there really ways to cope with social anxiety? If I’m being honest, I’m not sure. Social anxiety is different for everyone. It’s an endless battle with your thoughts and how people perceive you when in reality, they might not even be thinking about you. They don’t care if your socks match, if you’re walking too fast or too slow, if you seem anxious or you look like you’re coping, they really don’t care.

What is Social Anxiety?

Do you ever get that feeling when you’re walking down the stairs and there are people around you then you might think they’re judging you so you become nervous and think of a hundred ways you can actually fall down the stairs? That is social anxiety.

I’ve been spending years trying to figure out how to cope with social anxiety, and if I’m being honest, I still don’t know.

I’ve seen a lot of people saying things such as “oh you’re just making it up” “it’s not that bad” “it’s all in your head” and my mind always goes to the “thank God that it’s in my head because imagine if I had to live with that” but then I remember, social anxiety has been by my side for so many years. At this point, I’m almost completely sure that we’re best friends. She doesn’t let me do anything on my own, much less do anything with people around me. What if she’s right? What if people are watching my every move? What if they answer the phone? I’d have to hang up because I would not know what to say. I pay for my phone service for what? I don’t call anyone, that’s too much anxiety-inducing for me. I can barely text and sometimes that’s too much but somehow never enough.

You can search within your soul for answers, or take some type of pill that would take it all away even if it’s for a second.

You search all around you and always come back empty-handed. Why is that? Social anxiety is by far one of the things I would love to change about myself, but who am I kidding? Anxiety it’s not a piece of clothing I can change if I don’t like it. There’s no return policy for her.

What If…

There are so many things that go through your head when it comes to anxiety.

You feel like you’re not good enough and that the other person on the end of the line is going to get tired of you, and you can actually feel how much you’re suffocating them, so you just stop. But then, you start missing the other person and you go back because that’s what you do. Then, you start feeling like you’re doing way too much. My brain tells me I am indeed doing too much, so, its time to isolate myself and wonder why no one cares enough to reach out, give you a call (even though you won’t answer), have them reach out to you in some other way but you have a commitment with isolation so, reaching out it’s more of an option than a requirement.

You stare at the phone watching it ring but not doing anything about it. You see your friends on social media but you can’t reach out because again, isolation. Anxiety

It’s a complete cycle that never seems to end.

The amount of opportunities I’ve lost due to this. It’s sad to think that I won’t get to have that time back. But how do you live in a world where your voids are filled with death-full thoughts and endless pain? You survive.

It takes so much time to actually start healing.

Healing

Just like every other condition, social anxiety needs to be taken seriously since it has such an important role in our lives, but can it really be cured?

In my personal experience, trauma leads to so many mental health issues and they never go away. Yes, you can seek help, go to therapy, start medication, but it does not take away the way that you’re feeling. Or at least not completely. You may receive some relief, but, that’s only temporary.

I am not going to sit here and tell you that it gets better (whatever it is that you’re going through that leads to social anxiety) because, it doesn’t. Which is such an awful feeling both physically and emotionally. You just want to get better, you want to be able to start a conversation and not be afraid of what kind of feedback you’ll get or even have the courage to go in a store, get something and pay for it, without getting anxious and ending up leaving whatever it is that you were going to buy just because it becomes too overwhelming to be around people.

I’m not saying you can’t get help nor that if you do decide to get help, it would be a waste of time.

Medication can only do so much. But what happens when they don’t do what they’re supposed to help you with? You end up with no motivation to continue helping yourself. You think that you’re just way too broken to even consider the possibility of getting better.

You Got This!

Don’t give up on yourself because one thing didn’t go as you wanted. That happens way too often and we end up thinking that we don’t deserve to get better, we do, everyone deserves to heal and you’re not an exception. It takes time to understand your illness and even more time to figure out how to manage what you’re feeling. It’s a lifelong lesson and a process of discovery and learning but you’ve been dealing with this for so long and you have managed to figure it all out, and even if you didn’t, you’re still managing. If that doesn’t defy what the word “strong” means, then I don’t know what else will.

We often think of gyms and weights when we mention the word “strong” but what people don’t know is how much it takes to learn to live with an illness and how much it drains your energy. You still have to get yourself up and continue your life without having a second to breathe and let it all out. Sometimes, being strong means waking up in the morning and deciding that today you are going to brush your teeth, or even deciding that you will eat after two days of not doing so because you were scared to go grocery shopping because again, too many people. You have been managing everything on your own and just that lets me know how truly strong you are.

If you have anything to say about this specific topic or mental health in general, please don’t hesitate to leave a comment below.

Comments

Nazmun Nahar

Very informative article about social anxiety. I totally agree with you. Most of the time we care about others, the people around us what they will think but we should always keep a calm position to avoid social anxiety. I have seen personally many people who suffer in their all life only the reason they are too conscious about people and which create a more complex situation. Thanks for your great article from where we can learn a lot.

Oct 04.2019 | 09:11 pm

Henderson

This has been more than just a problem for me and gladly, you have dealt with it here expertly. Many people actually do battle with social anxiety but they never discuss it with anyone. Many times when I am in a place with so much people of higher class I have this very unpleasant feeling. I guess that’s what it is. I believe that there are medications for it but then one can get addicted to it so instead why not look for other better ways. What do you think about mantras and meditation to help cure social anxiety?

Oct 05.2019 | 05:11 am

    Stephanie Ramos

    I’m sorry you’re dealing with this as well. It’s neger easy but it’s not imposible either to ease the feeling. I tried meditation once, and sadly, it ended up making me even more anxious due to me not knowing what I was doing nor the fact that it was impossible to get my mind into the state of mind that it required. 

    Oct 05.2019 | 05:43 am

John

That exactly they see you always have whenever you working down the stairs I usually happy to an MC it is really unpleasant because one actually feels bad. There might be many ways to deal with the issue though but like you have said, it might be hard. One day while surfing online though,I saw someone talking about how self love can be a tool to help with the issue and how it has helped her deal with anxiety and inferiority complex. I have not given this a try though but I’m sure it’ll really work.

Oct 05.2019 | 05:24 am

    Stephanie Ramos

    I’ve seen that as well but does it really work?

    Oct 05.2019 | 05:45 am

Josh

I use to be a person with social anxiety. It was not easy for me to speak in public at all. I’m an introvert, and everyone knows that introverts naturally have a difficult time with public speaking. I can honestly say that taking a communication course for public speaking helped me ALOT. Even when I was taking public speaking, my anxiety was through the roof! What helped me with public speaking was practice. Practicing talking out loud around friends, people at social bars, and this, in turn, started giving me more and more confidence. If I could give a tip on how to rid social anxiety, it would be to take deep breaths, control your hand movements effectively and practice. Thank you for the insightful information regarding social anxiety!

Oct 05.2019 | 05:27 am

Audrey J

WOW!!!! Sounds like you been around the block for your age—-phew. OOOOO baby this is very deep. THANK YOU. More people need to read this. It is a super good description about anxiety. I see depression in this also. When everything you do is a huge challenge—-even going potty becomes an anxious situation sometimes. Oh my….haven’t many of us been here in life now fess up. This is good stuff that I can relate to.
Did ya’ll know that there are plenty of celebs. that deal with these issues, too. WE are far from being alone.
Steph this touched my heart. If you battle with this, then join me , too. I have my problems with this too.
Come visit my sight anytime I am surviving stage 4 cancer, and doctors told me I would only last 2 months to live. NOW that brought on a little anxiety 🙂 . Lots of love
Audrey J at https://wefightcanceryoucan2.com/
THANK you very much.

Oct 11.2019 | 03:43 am

    Stephanie Ramos

    Audrey, I am so sorry you’ve had to go through all of this, but I am so happy you’re kicking cancer to the side and winning this battle. You’re a strong soul and I am so proud of you for all that you’ve done and for surviving each day as it is. You’re a fighter. You’re doing amazing. If you ever need to talk, vent or just chat, please email me at stephanie.mentalhealthpath.com
    Please take care of yourself!

    Oct 12.2019 | 08:16 am

    Stephanie Ramos

    sorry for the email misspell! it’s stephanie.mentalhealthpath@gmail.com

    Oct 12.2019 | 08:21 am

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