I know this can be a hard topic for some of us, but for others it’s not really that type of controversial topic. Just know that either way, whatever it is that you’re dealing with, you’re not alone. There’s a lot of people like you and me who sometimes need to hear about this sort of topics to actually feel like what they went through was valid. You don’t need validation but bearing witness into someone else’s story can go a long way.
Dealing With Trauma
Growing up in an abusive household can leave deeps scars on your soul and it’s so hard to deal with it since you never actually understood how bad you were being treated since it was so normal to you, an everyday thing if I might say. You knew it was wrong but your mistreatment made it seem like it was a normal thing, so you were afraid to say something or let anyone know what you were going through, the hard part is that at this point you’re still struggling to actually admit and say something about because you’re scared of what people are going to say. I know how it is, I’ve been there. If we actually took some time to look around us you might be surprised at how many people have been going through this as well and we’re scared to speak up. The person you least expect could be one of us.
It’s really hard to talk about the effects of childhood trauma in adults because we actually don’t even know if what we’re going through is a sign of the trauma or we’re just too broken to be completely repaired.
Can You Be Too Broken Beyond Repair?
We’re so used to hearing about how other people may have had it worse and how we’re possibly, maybe, overreacting or making things up. We think we’re making mistakes with everything we do even if it’s the smallest things like making a phone call or opening the door when someone is knocking, you’re scared of what people may say, so or think and let me tell you, that is completely normal. We all make mistakes and we will continue doing so every day. We don’t need to be perfectionists or know-it-all’s to be productive in whatever it is we want to achieve. You see, achieving things after you’ve been told you’re not going to get anywhere makes you doubt yourself so much, you don’t know what it is you’re doing or what you should be doing according to these social constructed environment.
No, we are not too broken beyond repair. Whoever told you otherwise was afraid to actually acknowledge the potential you have to achieve your goals and shine in your every day activities.
What Would People Say If…
Growing up you were told that if you ever said something that either something bad would happen or you wouldn’t be believed, and thinking about that now while I’m in my twenties it’s still a hard thing for me to process. I still feel like my feelings or everything I do needs to be validated by other people, people I don’t even know, if I don’t rent that validation you might feel like you haven’t completed some sort of task that you, by no means, should even have to think about. You might get that feeling in your chest that you’re not really important to someone if they don’t give you the validation you’re looking for Nd dealing with these things on a daily basis can be so emotionally and physically draining. If you’re like me, I know you’ll be asking people you don’t even know how to do a certain thing or how to act in a way that can be socially accepted without even thinking about what it is that you really want to do.
The Depths of My Mind
Your mind it’s a whole different world that nobody knows and nobody has ever seen before. You’ve been quiping quiet for so long that you’re actually scare to let your thoughts come out of your brain. You’re scaref of being repetitive, you’re scared of not being good enough, you’re scared of giving out your own opinion because you think it won’t get validated, even though it’s your opinion. In your mind everything is controversial. Everything it’s a constant “what if” you have forgotten to live your live because you’re too busy, in your head, living the life you wish you had back then; the life you’re almost sure you deserved but never got. Your mind can be such a useful tool to your every day life but it can also be your worst enemy at night, and even worse, during the day.
You’re scared to ask for help from the people you actually now in your every day life because they don’t really know what you’ve been through, or if they know they don’t know everything and it’s scary opening up that door from the depths and letting everything out because again, you’re scared of what they might say, what they might think. Will they be thinking I’m making this up? If I’m faking it?
Your Journey Is Barely Starting
I know it’s easier said that done, I know, I’ve been there but you know what, your journey it’s not over. You have a lot of potential in you. You’re capable of doing anything and everything you set your mind to. Even if you’re scared, don’t hesitate to work towards a better you. I know it’s a scary thought to think “but what if I actually get better?” Because you’re so used to being hurt, that’s all you’ve known but it doesn’t have to be something to continue living with. You deserve to do amaze things and feel proud about that.
Was it really that bad? Yes, it was. You don’t need anyone to tell you this but just a reminder that your feelings are only yours and they are completely validated even if it doesn’t seem like it know but believe me, they are. I wish someone would’ve told me this when I was youmger, it would’ve helped me so much during my adulthood. It’s sometimes surreal to actually think about the effects of childhood trauma in adults because growing up you never acknowledged that what you were dealing with was actually the aftermath’s of trauma.
Take a second to look at everything you’ve done and accomplished so far. You should feel proud of what you’re doing even if that mean something just getting out of bed in the morning. You’ve come along way, your journey is not over.