by Stephanie | 1:02 am

Lost Soul

Disclaimer: All poems posted on this page are my own. No contributions were made. I own full rights to my work. 

the summer bliss can break me down

i used to love the cloudy sky so much

no complaints were ever made on my part, but what could a 14-year-old girl be triggered by?

i always saw her efforts and i never questioned why

she taught me how to tie my shoelaces and didn’t even flinch when i started to cry whenever i messed up the whole process of her teaching me how to tie

i was always that shy girl

the target of mistreatment and blame

always living behind shadows because i was too ashamed

i cried the whole way home back from school

and every day i was reminded of that pain

her words kept me grounded but now that she’s  gone I still have so many questions that are yet to be solved

i should’ve asked her how to live

i didn’t ask her to write me down her best advice, nor her memories

not knowing she’d be gone by now i should have told her the reason behind my fears

i’m still trying to survive without being so naive; without her here

right now, i feel nothing

i feel empty

but yet, here i am again, in my twenties

still believing that all my unresponsive answers may clarify and guide the way of the things that were never spoken by

lost soul

she’s still watching over me and i hope i’ve made her happy

reincarnation may not be a thing but if I could I’d bring back everything from her that was abruptly taken from me

writing her name never eases the pain; it only makes it harder to handle the falling rain

rain forming in tear-drop shapes threatening to open up some locked door from a faraway place

i don’t have the key

she took it with her the moment she left this earth

there’s no way to describe how that day ruined my soul

no words could ever repair the broken pieces that she left unsolved

it wasn’t her fault

she did the best to save me

she didn’t blame me

but i blame myself

maybe life would’ve been easier on her if only my parent’s path would’ve never Intertwined

no need for happy endings but maybe just a simple goodbye

maybe there was a sign

or maybe they were just too drunk on wine

i regret not saving that “i love you” voice message

her son didn’t know the damage he was making when removing the only piece of her that i had with me

today, my room is filled with silent screams, scratched walls from feelings that have come undone, and lost souls looking for a place to go

welcome home, darling

i’m sorry that you’ve seen me falling

regardless of that, thank you for always staying up late at night just to watch over me

a lost soul that finally came home

right here with me is where you belong

i won’t ever let you go, and i promise to keep acting like i’m strong

if something i learned behind closed doors is to always lie between my teeth

no one deserves to know the real me

not the way that you knew me

fly high darling

i’ll see you when they come knocking on my door telling me that it’s time to go

no lost souls can survive

that’s when i’ll know when it’s time to go

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Comments

Jessie

This is such a beautiful poem, and in it we can really read the pain that the writer is trying to portray.  There seems to be so little hope found within, and it is terribly depressing.  Losing someone we love like that, can be so hard to come to terms with, especially when there were things left unspoken that needed to be spoke.  I hope that the one writing this will find the peace they need.

Mar 20.2021 | 01:42 am

    Stephanie

    Thank you for taking the time to read and for your kind words. They’re really appreciated.

    Mar 23.2021 | 01:34 am

Jean

Thank you for this beautiful yet sad poem. I loved reading it so much, I gather that you are speaking of your mother, I am the only son and my mom and I are all that each other has. I sometimes get very upset with her not realizing how much I will miss her when she isn’t there anymore, she didn’t always make the best choices but always tried her best for me. Your poem has really triggered these thoughts, thank you for that. Take care!

Mar 20.2021 | 04:36 am

    Stephanie

    I can’t defy if the triggers were something bad or not, and because of that I’m sorry if they hurt you. I’m really glad that you have a steady relationship with your mother. You take care as well!

    Mar 24.2021 | 10:12 pm

mikeawish

What an absolutely beautiful poem.  The true pain and heartache is very apparent.  

Such a healthy piece of art to both produce and read for someone who is feeling any pain at all.  This truly touched me and hope the author keeps going in the pursuit of love.  Thanks for the poem and please keep going!

Mar 28.2021 | 06:09 pm

    Stephanie

    Thank you for your kind words! I truly appreciate it. 

    Mar 28.2021 | 11:31 pm

Dan

Reading your poem, I remember my life, though different than yours but the same, it stirred up memories of uncertainties and insecurities of unacceptance and unworthiness when I was young. I was told I was ugly all the time. I didn’t bloom as a person until later in my 30s, till I realized it doesn’t matter what others think, it matters what I thought. I gave too much power to people that didn’t deserve it.

Loved the poem as you can maybe tell, it stirred me. I felt music could easily be put to it. Did you write this while listening to music? 

Mar 28.2021 | 06:21 pm

    Stephanie

    I’m so sorry to hear about your experience. No one should put another human being throughout so much pain regardless of any circumstance. I am glad that you’re managing right now, and that you found the will to sop giving that power to these kind of people. Your self-worth, love, and kindness, shouldn’t be debated by anyone,

    As to answer your question, personally, I can’t write if I’m listening to music or doing anything else. I may get inspiration from songs I’ve listened to but there’s no way I could write something while my mind is wondering around in the world of lyrics and productions. 

    Take care! You got this. 

    Mar 28.2021 | 11:38 pm

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