Lost Soul

Lost Soul

Disclaimer: All poems posted on this page are my own. No contributions were made. I own full rights to my work. 

the summer bliss can break me down

i used to love the cloudy sky so much

no complaints were ever made on my part, but what could a 14-year-old girl be triggered by?

i always saw her efforts and i never questioned why

she taught me how to tie my shoelaces and didn’t even flinch when i started to cry whenever i messed up the whole process of her teaching me how to tie

i was always that shy girl

the target of mistreatment and blame

always living behind shadows because i was too ashamed

i cried the whole way home back from school

and every day i was reminded of that pain

her words kept me grounded but now that she’s  gone I still have so many questions that are yet to be solved

i should’ve asked her how to live

i didn’t ask her to write me down her best advice, nor her memories

not knowing she’d be gone by now i should have told her the reason behind my fears

i’m still trying to survive without being so naive; without her here

right now, i feel nothing

i feel empty

but yet, here i am again, in my twenties

still believing that all my unresponsive answers may clarify and guide the way of the things that were never spoken by

lost soul

she’s still watching over me and i hope i’ve made her happy

reincarnation may not be a thing but if I could I’d bring back everything from her that was abruptly taken from me

writing her name never eases the pain; it only makes it harder to handle the falling rain

rain forming in tear-drop shapes threatening to open up some locked door from a faraway place

i don’t have the key

she took it with her the moment she left this earth

there’s no way to describe how that day ruined my soul

no words could ever repair the broken pieces that she left unsolved

it wasn’t her fault

she did the best to save me

she didn’t blame me

but i blame myself

maybe life would’ve been easier on her if only my parent’s path would’ve never Intertwined

no need for happy endings but maybe just a simple goodbye

maybe there was a sign

or maybe they were just too drunk on wine

i regret not saving that “i love you” voice message

her son didn’t know the damage he was making when removing the only piece of her that i had with me

today, my room is filled with silent screams, scratched walls from feelings that have come undone, and lost souls looking for a place to go

welcome home, darling

i’m sorry that you’ve seen me falling

regardless of that, thank you for always staying up late at night just to watch over me

a lost soul that finally came home

right here with me is where you belong

i won’t ever let you go, and i promise to keep acting like i’m strong

if something i learned behind closed doors is to always lie between my teeth

no one deserves to know the real me

not the way that you knew me

fly high darling

i’ll see you when they come knocking on my door telling me that it’s time to go

no lost souls can survive

that’s when i’ll know when it’s time to go

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