We have all been there. We all have those empty holes in our souls that won’t let us breathe in peace. Scars are permanent and even the smallest triggers can open up those healing wounds.
Dealing with death can be interpreted in so many ways and aspects. We can be talking about a family member, a friend, a memory, a loved one, a dream, a pet, a hobby, or even a complete stranger.
What is Death?
My definition of death is as simple as “the end of something and/or someone” do we agree? That’s just my definition, but let’s see what philosophers and other authors defy what death was for them.
“Death is the moment of liberation from a narrow and uniform individuality, which, far from the inner substance of our being, is rather as a kind of aberration. ” – Schopenhauer
“This is not the life that recoils in horror at the death and preserves pure destruction, but life is death, and remains even in death, which is the life of the mind. ” – Hegel
“Some people die at 25 and aren’t buried until 75.” – Franklin
“While I thought that I was learning how to live, I have been learning how to die.” – da Vinci
“The boundaries which divide Life from Death are at best shadowy and vague. Who shall say where the one ends, and where the other begins?” – Poe
“It is difficult to accept death in this society because it is unfamiliar. In spite of the fact that it happens all the time, we never see it.” – Kubbler-Ross
“I mean, they say you die twice. One time when you stop breathing and a second time, a bit later on, when somebody says your name for the last time.” -Banksy
“Carve your name on hearts, not tombstones. A legacy is etched into the minds of others and the stories they share about you.” – Alder
Interesting takes, right? It somehow modifies what your perception of death is.
Regardless of what type of loss we’re talking about, it is never easy having to wake up one day and suddenly realize that you’re missing something or someone.
Panic starts to creep in when you find yourself stuck in the same situation over and over, while at the same time you’re trying to erase the last words you heard, the last moments of feeling absolutely vulnerable not knowing what the future will hold for you after tomorrow, but the memories just keep piling up and before you notice, you’re stuck in the “what if’s”.
Dealing with death and bad news are two different things that go hand in hand with each other.
Does It Get Better?
A question I’m pretty sure most of us have wondered about. Does it get better?
From my personal experience, talking about death in general, it doesn’t get better. Sure, you learn how to cope with loss and how to manage your feelings, but in reality, it doesn’t get better, no matter how hard you try or how much therapy you go through; it’s just not possible to get that aching feeling out of our system.
The pain never goes away, it will always surround you. You learn how to cope with it and how to accept each day as it comes, but it is not something you can just throw away as if nothing happened.
Some days, you may feel like you’re over it, while others you’ll feel like you’re living that same feeling over and over again. When does it stop?
We just need to accept that it is going to be a constant reminder of an event that you’d rather forget, but at the same time, you don’t want to let that last bit of memories go away.
Grief can affect us in an emotional and physical way, but how do you know the signs that may tell you when you’re going through this stage of your loss?
• Some people feel like they might be losing control.
• A feeling of guilt and anger
• Avoidance becomes your first go-to coping mechanism
• Feelings of endless hopelessness
“Part of every misery is, so to speak, the misery’s shadow or reflection: the fact that you don’t merely suffer but have to keep on thinking about the fact that you suffer. I not only live each endless day in grief, but live each day thinking about living each day in grief.” Lewis
Let yourself grief in whatever way you need. Healing takes time and it might not even be something that will come towards your way after just a few days. My wounds regarding my grandma’s death (seven years ago) are still open, so are my wounds regarding the loss of my childhood and most of my dreams. Somehow, I’m still fighting every day.
You’re not alone.